I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
