sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
