I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
