It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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