I could have mohawked her pubes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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