I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
