When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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