i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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