i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
