I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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