I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
