I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
