Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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