Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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