i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
