dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
