How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
