Its about making memories worth repressing
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
