Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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