i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
