Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
