He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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