oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
