Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
