Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
