sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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