I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
