I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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