Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
