just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
