Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
