i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
