"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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