Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
