Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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