My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
