Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize