This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
