I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
