I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Pants are for mortals
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
