Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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