Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
