why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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