im gay
i know
yea but for you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
