Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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