best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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