I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
