Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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