my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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