I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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