Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
