good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
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Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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