Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
