I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize