I skipped work to stalk him.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
