idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
