So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize