every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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