We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We got so high we made milksteak
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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