I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
