Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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