I'm really into asian looking animals
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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