Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
