stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
