For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
