I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
