So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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