How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
