Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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