I wannas sexs uuuuu
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
