you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
