When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
