i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
