mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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