so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
