Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
