Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
