I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
