Quick, to the slutcave!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
