I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
