Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
