It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
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Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize