OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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