Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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